


To know that they'll never fade away

by GibbousLunation



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Brotherly Angst, Doomed Timelines, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, No Mercy Route, Spoilers, mild violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-16
Updated: 2015-10-25
Packaged: 2018-04-26 16:42:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5012125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GibbousLunation/pseuds/GibbousLunation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sans remembers things he shouldn't, and it keeps repeating.</p><p>(Now complete with a happier ending)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It sends the colour to your head

The town said they’d just appeared one day. Two stacks of bones with nothing but threadbare clothing over their frames and wide tooth filled mouths. They’d wormed their way slowly into the hearts of the town, with easy humor and even easier friendship, no qualms or disputes to be heard about it. Next thing anyone had known, they’d become a part of the seam holding their shoddy patchwork together; an integral piece of the puzzle no one could imagine life without. Strange, in a way.

With a little time, they’d made friends and bonds and unshakeable confidence. Like breathing or riding a bike, no manuals required. Easy, the way Sans liked it.

Truth was, well, the truth was harder to swallow. And it wasn’t like Papyrus much cared for the truth anyways, so Sans didn’t spend time worrying about it. Reality was something a little bit dark and a little bit sad, like an old photograph you couldn’t bear to throw away but couldn’t stand to look at; tossed away somewhere and hopefully ignored. Or a memory that slowly eroded itself over time, so that you weren’t sure if what you recalled was even real anymore.

Besides, he had his brother anyways.

Making friends was a matter of saying the right thing at the right time, something Sans was great at- not something he was prideful of more so something that was necessary. Bad joke here, tab paid off there, and always willing to be in the right place at the right time. That last part had taken a bit longer to master, but it was a living. He wouldn’t say he’d exactly made close bonds or anything with anyone in particular, not until the knock knock joke incident anyways, but he’d been happy. Or very nearly so anyways. And so had Papyrus, and that was all that he really needed.

And then the human had stumbled and bumbled and tripped right into their lives, tearing every wall down with them.

Sans had never asked for much in his existence, he’d worked hard for a long time- tried to make everything right by everyone, and took his lumps when he’d had to. He kept Papyrus busy and surrounded by loved ones, and fought off anyone who’d tried to do otherwise. He convinced Undyne to train him, convinced her to keep him away from war, and tried to keep the peace. If he was honest? It had been exhausting, and ultimately pointless. But that was neither here nor there; it was all over anyways. 

Every carefully analyzed point, every hour and day and week spent researching and studying with Alphys. Everything he’d done to protect his loveable and strong older brother. All of it, pointless.

He’d been naïve in the end, ironically. Making promises, allowing himself to hope, letting himself be merely on the sidelines. It wasn’t really the humans fault, in a way, he was the one that let Papyrus find them and treated everything like some kind of punchline waiting to happen. He was the one who let Papyrus get hurt. Just for a laugh, just because he was too lazy to really get involved.

All of the death on the kid’s shoulders, the blood seeping into their tiny hands, the emptiness in their small, beady eyes. It was some kind of test or omen he was sure, a punishment for digging too deep and giving up too soon.

And yet it had just led him here, to this corridor with fine dust on the hilt and murder in the air, with the weight of everything nearly crushing his very self apart. He’d dreamt and hoped that this would all end, hoping that the human just wanted something like a friend maybe or someone to care. Maybe they’d been lonely and scared and lashed out, it would just take a little more kindness, Sans, just a little more compassion and patience, you’ll see. But that expression, that dead set cold hearted intent and the unnatural stillness in their eyes. That wasn’t just lore they taught little monsters in school to frighten them away from the barrier. Some humans really didn’t need any empathy in their souls after all.

He would never forget how it felt. To have his heart splinter apart into blades and bullets in front of his eyes; as the comedic air and nonchalance bled from his bones in an instant, a deep emptiness slowly seeping upwards from the ground up as his brother fell. And fell.

And that human, their grin as they caught his eye.

Papyrus never wanted to hurt anyone, he couldn’t. He would have asked them to hang out or to be friends, or even on a date, or something zany and so typically Papyrus and there wouldn’t have needed to be any bloodshed at all. It could have ended in jokes and laughter, in new friends and god…. Papyrus didn’t need to pay the price for Sans’ own idiocy. Sans should have been there, like he always was, to protect him like he always did.

He’d messed it all up, and there was nothing to do now but pay it forward. No skipping back, no way to reset, only the salt filled regret and the reverberation of hopelessness to fuel him now. Just enough left to finish the job.

Sans could feel it, even as he stared down the epitome of hatred itself and saw the pure still calm that perforated the young humans eyes, even as he saw the glint of pleasure refracting off their blade and their eyes and felt dread pooling behind his own neck. There’d been a time when they were friends. A time where everything worked out right and the human had chosen to fix rather than decimate. A time when death hadn’t rang out quite so loudly and didn’t sound so reminiscent, so entangled with defeat. He could feel it, a timeline that hadn’t quite been swallowed up just yet.

If he blinked he could see it, the human pulling at his pant leg with a small smile. No knife in hand but instead a cooking spoon, blood replaced with pasta sauce and confetti. Papyrus clapping excitedly in the corner of the room, rambling happily about friendship and victories, and Undyne rolling her eyes with a smirk. He could feel it, the sensation of ‘home’ and ‘right’. If he pretended everything was okay, it almost felt real. And then he would blink his eyes open once more, and the cruelty of reality would surprise him all over again.

_Damn them._

In another life, in that other timeline, maybe he would almost feel bad for this kid. However they’d been raised, or left to fend for things on their own, they’d learned instinctively to kill or be killed. Maybe he’d have wanted to hug them, to tell them inspiring things about determination and friendship.  Maybe if the human hadn’t murdered the only person worth fighting for, he’d have felt some sympathy. As it stood, he mostly just wanted them to burn. As slowly and painfully as possible.

He breathed deeply, allowing his eyes to drift shut for a moment. He wanted to give in, to give up- there was nearly nothing left to care about anyways, but he couldn’t stand the pool of white dust stretching out towards him. The whispers from a gruesome end that lay just around the corner. He couldn’t afford to stand by anymore, merely hoping and wishing for something simpler. Sans could hear Papyrus chastising him at the thought, “You have to believe, brother! The way I believe in you!”

As if believing had done anyone any favors lately.

What a strange duo they were, a human and a skeleton. Facing off in a final battle before the end of the world- the end of his world. It was odd, how small and fragile the human looked. The human stood just above half of his own height, a mess of brown hair and rumpled clothing; the perfect charade, truly they were some kind of master planner. They’d known everything from the start, of course. It was easy to be prepared when you held all the cards. If he squinted and turned his head, they looked innocent enough. They looked human enough.

“What a beautiful day,” he said, eyes closed with images of his brother playing across his thoughts. “The flowers are blooming, the birds chirping.”

Papyrus, in another timeline, looking at him with deep sorrow. ‘ _Where’s Dad_?’ Papyrus clapping enthusiastically as ‘Santa’ delivered his presents- a jar of spaghetti sauce, a few new action figures, and a whoopee cushion just for kicks. Papyrus drifting off to sleep as Sans read his favorite bed time story, sleepily mumbling to him about how Sans was the ‘ _Best brother ever_ ’. He thought of how Papyrus had been when he’d made his costume, how excited he’d been to meet Undyne, and then how his eyes seemed to twinkle and shine when Undyne had agreed to be friends. All his life, he’d only wanted the best for his brother. For Papyrus to be happy and innocent forever, where he’d lost his own naivety long ago he’d sought to keep his brother whole. What a joke.

“On days like these….”

The world was burning around them, tearing itself into shreds. There was something more to what he was seeing, something more powerful than he could comprehend. Maybe he’d have been curious, maybe he’d have tried to fix it. Now, what was the point? Everyone was gone. If it was the last thing Sans did, he’d make sure it wasn’t easy for the kid. He’d stall just a little bit longer; Alphys already moved everyone, far away somewhere safe, but he wasn’t sure if there’d be a limit to the destruction. If they could ever really be out of danger ever again.

So what if he died now or died later, really.  They’d already taken everything from him.

 “Kids like you…”

He felt the familiar flicker of anger lick at his fingertips, the echo of the carnage and pain that had filled up New Home and Snowdin. The extra timelines coiled around them like vipers, twisting and choking each other out and apart- yawning like the end of a sentence, anticipating the quick end. It had been so long since he’d allowed himself to care. The intensity almost frightened him as he breathed in the last vestiges of stillness around them both, almost.

He wondered idly if it would amount to anything.   If the human would just simply reset over and over again until they found a timeline that fit with what they wanted. He wondered what the human desired so much from all this violence. If they’d ever be satiated. He wondered if Papyrus had meant anything to them, if his death had merely been a stepping stone, a deviation from the path for a moment of leisure.

His eyes snapped open, and the timeline snapped along with him. Resetting.

It was jolting, like a sudden jump to the side or maybe upwards. Like a tackle from something larger than the air around you, launching you out of yourself and into a familiar but different self.

The saves and resets were falling apart, they had to be. There’d been too many swallowed up and reset, something too drastic to comprehend. There were flickers of things, like shards or reflections of shards, streaming across his vision. Images of sticks and bows and a feeling of warmth not unlike a hug, a ringing phone, knock knock jokes through a wooden door, promises, promises and promises.

And then, a voice.

“I cannot believe we met a human, Sans. Isn’t it fantastic? Though… they are a little strange. They haven’t laughed even once! Probably because they are star struck, I am pretty exciting.” They were sitting on a cliff side, overlooking Snowdin. Sans gave his brother a lopsided grin.  

“I was a little disappointed that they didn’t go along with my traps, did you notice how they just…walked around them? Truly some kind of fiendish fiend, but I still have high hopes they can turn it around! Oh, but Undyne is going to be so disappointed... I didn’t even pretend to capture them!” Papyrus was nearly vibrating in excitement, but deflated slightly at the realization. Sans shifted his weight, patting his brother’s arm comfortingly.

“She’ll come around. Undyne loves japes like you said, she’ll be too busy having fun pulverizing things.”

“A human. Wowie! Do you think this’ll be my ticket into the Royal Guard? Or- OH! Even better! Maybe I’ll be officially popular! Me, Papyrus, friends galore! Nyeh-heh heh!” The hopeful inflection on his voice pulled at Sans’ cold heartstrings.

“I’d say it probably makes you the most popular guy in all of Snowdin. Not many of us can say we defeated a terrifying human with our coolness alone.”  He felt himself wink, and frowned at himself. Something was….not right.

They paused for a moment, taking in the brisk morning air.

“Sans….” Papyrus said, not looking away from the scenery. “What do you think the human will do? Once they meet Asgore….” His tone uncharacteristically somber, it settled uncomfortably in Sans’ gut. The feeling of something astray grew stronger, like an itch he couldn’t quite reach.

“I think they’ll do the right thing. After all, how could they not with a couple of cool guys like us watching out for them?” He lied with an easy smile. Better Papyrus not think of the potential consequences, better he keep his head low and not look for trouble. Better he not think of how much rested on this one humans shoulders.

Better Sans just not worry, the time anomalies would settle themselves out. He just needed to be a little more optimistic, like Papyrus.

Better that Papyrus not think too much of the human’s dead eyed stare or the white coating on their hands. _Is it really even human at all…?_

 “Sans?” Papyrus was looking at him now, concern colouring his voice. Sans unclenched his hand from Papyrus’ arm, moving it behind his neck to hide the minute shaking.

“Sorry bro, just thinking is all.”

Papyrus wasn’t convinced. “You thinking about things…..never ends well.”

Sans grimaced. It had been a long time since he’d cared enough to allow him to think seriously about anything, but he knew how much it shook Papyrus up. Sans would never be angry at Papyrus, not in a real way, and his brother knew that. Sans was usually so mellow and casual about everything, it was unsettling for himself when he…. Well. They didn’t have any reason for that to happen anymore, anyways. Everything was fine.

“Listen, it’s all good okay? No need to rattle your bones, I’m just….” he sighed. “Make sure you look both ways before crossing any streets, and…ah, keep an eye on the kid.” Papyrus seemed satisfied with his answer after a moment, and began rambling on about how no roads could dare defy the Great Papyrus while also reassuring Sans that he always took the utmost care, looking all 6 directions before leaping towards battle. Sans chuckled, settling back to look out on the town just as people began waking up and starting on their daily tasks. Just as the human began trekking out through the snow, just as the clock began to tick once again.

Papyrus looked positively thrilled, “I’m going to show you, Sans. I’ll show the human too! There’s always something more to everyone than they think, and if I believe in them, they’ll believe in themselves too!”

Sans said nothing, a lump rising in his throat and knotting up his thoughts. Papyrus… He was good, that’s what got him the most. He wanted the best for everyone and even better for himself, and he never stopped trying. He deserved everything, and as much as Sans liked to tease him, he wanted Papyrus to have everything. He was the constant, the save point.

 _I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you_ , he thought to himself.

Yes he did, he’d go completely and utterly numb and lose track of everything for weeks. He’d stop going to Grillby’s, stop going home, and stop thinking at all. He’d fall apart without breaking down at all, and he’d be uselessly wracked with guilt and regret and unable to prevent anything. And then finally, finally he’d face down the one who’d done it all and he’d….

He’d inevitably lose. Caught in a loop of resets that allowed him no chance at victory. Every path, every choice. They’d all just…

Another jolt, another blink.

It was dark, too dark to see. _Good._

He felt cramped, like he’d been sitting still for too long. Moving to stretch an arm, he bumped a bundle of something that had been settled in his embrace, and heard its resounding thump fill the spaces between the dark. Sans groaned, standing up slowly and painfully and blindly grasping at the wall beside him for a light switch.

“Sans?” A voice, muffled as though behind layers and layers of cotton. He tried to respond, his voice crackling with disuse. He grunted instead, tripping and stumbling towards the sound.

“Are you in there?” It continued. Sans coughed to shift around the gravel in his throat.

“Yeah, it’s me.”

The voice seemed hesitant, Sans paused in his groggy search for the door, his eyes adjusted slowly and he could make out various shapes around him. The lab.

“Listen, uh. I’m real sorry. Your brother…. Well.”

Papyrus? Sans began scrabbling again for the light, a little less blindly now. The voice took a shaky breath, Sans felt cold suddenly, like a sinking weight was pulling him farther from the surface.  ‘Alphys, that’s Alphys’ voice,’ he recalled faintly.

“H-he was a good guy, real good guy. He deserved a- a lot better. But we gotta move! The h-human they… Undyne is g-gone….”

‘ _….what? Oh….Oh god no…_ ’

The light flickered on, dusty air swirling in lazy circles beneath the yellow glow. ‘ _D…dust..?_ ’

The bundle that fell, splayed out in the corner, was a red fabric. Red and tattered, and covered in white splotches that almost looked like…

If Sans screamed as he felt his legs give out, he couldn’t say. The world had gone silent, slow like syrup and underwater waves. He looked down at his trembling hands to see white powder, dust, and felt the world shift off kilter. He felt more than heard someone shouting at him, fighting through the locked door and the mess of equipment he’d pushed in the way, but it was too late he-

And then, abruptly, he was seeing through other eyes.

He saw himself, one large glowing eye- all blunt force and quick attacks and plain and furious heartbreak. He watched his hands- not his, the Others- clench tightly to a knife and swing with all their might. He saw the moment when the blade connected. Saw himself fall, saw the momentary stunned fear in his face before it was swallowed up by self-hatred and then apathy.

Heard his own shaky voice, filtered and muted but his nonetheless, call out for his brother. A brother that would never again be able to call back.  

And then he caught a glint, an image of cold, and unrelenting darkness peering back out of beady dark eyes. The perfect outline of everything monsters warned humans could be, without kindness, without remorse. Far too powerful for their own good.

Unending suffering and merciless violence, all captured perfectly within the Other’s eyes. He felt, separate yet one in the same, the laughter that peeled out of them as he recoiled. Guilt-you killed them- disgust- you killed them all- and finally, an overwhelming sense of pleasure. Sickly sweet and acidic in the back of their throat. Them, him, human and monster. Synonymous but meant to be separate, to be divided and yet one and the same.

_‘No- I couldn’t. I wouldn’t… this is….’_

_‘This isn’t real, this isn’t happening… this is…_ ’

“Just a game.” A laughing, sing-song voice dragged itself from his lips, as his fingers danced playfully along the tip of the knife.

“I think I’d like to play that part again,” The fingers stopped, grasping the hilt of the blade and twisting it around. The tip just tapping against the warm fleshy outer shell, tracing an outline of a heart over their chest. And then brusquely, plunging inwards.

This time, he knew he screamed, could feel it within him like a wave crashing down on a dock, building and building as the horror and revulsion grew along with it. He couldn’t make a single sound, and the laughter continued.

Another snap, another reset.

He couldn’t afford to give up now.

Sans stood, eyes closed and breathing deeply. A wet trail sliding slowly down his grinning cheek. All paths led here, all endings and twists and decisions ended with the two of them and their warped dance between destruction and peace. The human couldn’t be stopped, he knew it. Determination and resiliency at its very worst.

“Kids like you…”

He remembered Papyrus’ desperate last words. Something like ‘ _I still believe in you_ ’, something a little like naivety and a lot like hope. Something typically Papyrus, self-absorbed, goofy, and utterly good. Welp, he had no reason to hope any longer. Nothing left but the will to slow this monster down, one last try before he could finally rest. They’d been waltzing through timelines, skipping and resetting and saving for far too long, nothing to do now but dig his heels in and fight back.

“Should be burning in hell.”

He hoped his ashes would be scattered somewhere nice.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have about a million other projects going on, but I fell headfirst into Undertale and I love it and it couldn't be helped. I'm planning on adding another chapter in a couple of days, just to continue the pain train here so! Also, for the sake of my headcanons, Sans is the little brother here. I couldn't find any actual canonical proof of which one was younger or older, but I just thinks it makes things a little more interesting to have Sans as the protective little brother who knows more than he should. Plus, he's got the 'my big brother is the coolest' shtick down pat. Anyways, there'll be one more chapter probably for this, unless I decide to add more, and it'll be from Papyrus' perspective so watch for that! Thanks for reading!


	2. hold on to your heart, hold it high above flood waters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Papyrus knows more than he lets on, but it's what he doesn't know that worries him.

Papyrus was clever, cleverer than anyone really gave him credit for. He knew things about his friends and his town that other people seemed to constantly ignore.

He knew that he wasn’t really going to be a member of the Royal Guard, for example. But he enjoyed hanging out with Undyne so much and cooking with her that he didn’t really mind all that much why they never progressed.

He knew that Asgore was really just a friendly guy, one who tried his best to do right by everyone, and only wanted the chance to give back to his people what had long ago been stolen. He never really wanted to hurt anyone, and Papyrus thought that was what made him such a great King in the first place. Asgore saw the best in everyone, and Papyrus tried his best to emulate that in everything he did.

Of course, no one could be better than himself, but he appreciated their efforts.

Mostly, he knew there was something going on with Sans.

He pretended not to notice his brother’s twitchiness, the way his jokes seemed forced and lacking their usual sunshine quality. He even politely ignored the way Sans fell asleep at his jobs more often than usual, figuring he must be tired out from…something. He looked the other way when Sans got that particular furrowed brow look about him, when he paused just a little too long when saying goodnight, the way he seemed to be constantly checking over his shoulder for danger.

If he were going to be honest with himself, it made him nervous. When Sans started acting nervous, or when he took things seriously, it usually ended in something horrible. He didn’t like that his brother spent so much time alone out by the forest doing who knows what. He knew Sans, he thought too much about theories and thoughts and let them get all festered up and tangled in his head; a trait Papyrus had done his best to thoroughly avoid, preferring to talk every concern out immediately and then look on the bright side.

Sans liked to dwell on things. He was a smart guy, all puns considered, much smarter than nearly anyone else he knew, except maybe Alphys. Then again, Sans was smart in a peculiar way. He was more disarming than intellectual, more suave and sneaky than logical, he always knew more than he let on about everything. It was disconcerting to say the least, when one knew him well enough anyways.

The Great Papyrus knew his brother better than anyone, because he was the best big brother anyone could ever ask for!

Or so he hoped.

He strived to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, never jumped to any conclusions, simply trying instead to encourage them to take a better path. To be the person he believed they could be. That included his brother.

Sans was secretive, and he had a real dark side to him. Papyrus didn’t like to think too much of it, the way his brothers voice would drop to a monotone and his eyes would fade out, as the glowing blue of their shared magic took control. Sans being anything but goofy, anything but lazy and sarcastic and constantly cheering him on, was irrevocably wrong.

It could only lead to something bad.

He’d only ever witnessed Bad Sans a few times, less once they’d shown up in Snowdin, but it always troubled him for a long while after. Papyrus didn’t believe in threats, didn’t care much for actual violence beyond what would incapacitate or rouse his opponent in a jovial dual. Sans usually just avoided fighting altogether.

So when Sans was being serious, when he was threatening and angry and hurting…

Papyrus couldn’t stand it.

Sans was meant to tease him and joke around and make friends with everyone, he was meant to be laid back and care free and… Sans. Papyrus just wanted his brother back.

He couldn’t figure out what had his brother so on edge, nothing had changed within their schedules, no humans had traipsed through in a long while. He couldn’t remember a time where everything had been more peaceful. Yet, Sans was spending longer and longer hours away from home and away from Grillby’s, tucked away in the darkness somewhere. He’d been grimacing every so often, rubbing a hand across his chest absently and staring at Papyrus when he thought he wasn’t looking. He looked pained and scared and angry, but nothing seemed to help.

The worst part was when he had Bad Nights. They’d started a couple months ago, just once a week or so, then every week, then twice a week. Now it happened almost like clockwork, every night. He’d hear a crash or a bang, hear Sans muttering to himself, a frantic, pleading tone that set Papyrus’ teeth on edge. Then would come the melting snow feel to the air as his magic began to pulse out of control, and Papyrus would get up to knock on his door. Sometimes Sans would let him in, and he’d make some kind of joke about his room being despicably unkept, before asking Sans to read him a bedtime story, or to watch a rerun of Mettaton’s cooking show, or he’d simply just pull Sans in for a quick hug without speaking at all.

Mostly, Sans would keep the door locked, and Papyrus would try to talk to him through the door, keeping count of his brothers frantic breaths and watching the time. He’d listen for the inevitable slump as Sans gave up and sat back against the door, and then he’d sit with him, rambling on about his day and the amazing skills he’d learned and how he was a shoe in for Royal Guard this year until he ran out of things to discuss and Sans ran out of energy to keep his eyes open. When his breathing evened out, Papyrus would slip a note under the door with a happy little drawing, or a note, just to remind Sans that things would be okay when he woke up, and then Papyrus would head to bed himself.

To be quite honest, it terrified him.

Knowing that his brother was hurting, that it was something so real and deep that he couldn’t even joke about it, couldn’t even meet his eyes the next morning. He had no idea what to do, how to help. Undyne had suggested pounding his door in, dragging Sans out and burning down their house just for kicks. Alphys had offered to run some tests, to install programs so he could monitor his brother’s brain waves at night and lull him back to sleep without ever noticing. Mettaton had slipped him a rather sensual photograph that Papyrus had immediately eaten in a flustered panic.

Sans would simply pretend nothing was wrong around everyone, still teasing people and putting orders on his tabs at Grillby’s and trying to scam passerby’s on hot dogs made from plants and fried snow. But Papyrus knew better, and it was nearly infuriating.

He’d almost worked up the nerve to call Sans out on it, but then everything changed. He’d been chopping up some noodles- for a delectable and devious spaghetti sandwich he was rather excited about- when he’d heard the door open as Sans shuffled in. He’d waved enthusiastically at his brother, “Sans! I am an absolute genius! I’m making the best food you will ever-” and he’d noticed the look of abject horror that was clouding Sans’ expression.

“Sans…?” His brother, shaking he realized, turned sharply away, but not before he’d noticed the telltale stream of electric blue in Sans’ one eye, and not before the knife he’d been holding was forcefully ripped out of his hand and loudly embedded in the wall behind him.

They both froze, Papyrus in uncertain fear. They had a rule about using magic in the house for anything beyond friendly pranks and cooking, and Papyrus had never once been on any sort of receiving end to Sans’ real magic. It left him gaping in shock and unsure of what to do next.

Papyrus turned his gaze from the knife, deeply lodged up until the handle, to his brother’s shaking form, just in time to notice the shock and guilt written across Sans’ every feature.

“Sans…. I….” His brother shook his head at him, mutely.

“I… ah. I’m sorry, bro. I guess I must be… spooked or something. I’ll… I’ll pass on the spaghetti, don’t uh. Have the stomach for it.” He winced at his own feeble pun, and then shuffled nervously out of sight, firmly locking his door behind him. Papyrus stood uncertainly for a few moments longer, a feeling of something a little like despair and a lot like worry worming its way inside of him.

He cleaned up the kitchen, removing the knife after a bit of struggle, and simply leaving it in the sink for the moment, and putting the noodles away. He wasn’t feeling up to eating after all. Nothing to worry about, he’d get this all straightened out and fixed and then there’d be plenty of spaghetti for everyone.

He decided to give Sans a moment, stepping out into the front walkway and pulling out his phone.

“Papyrus, hey! I was just thinking about our training session for tomorrow, we should make spaghetti with cheese this time! Wouldn’t that be absolutely thrilling? I’m filled with passionate fury just thinking about all that melted cheese! Hahah!!”

“Undyne that’s- well, yes actually that sounds incredible and a perfect use of my newly formed chef skills- but that’s not what I’m calling about this time.”

“Huh? Okay, well what’s up then?”

“It’s… Sans. There might potentially be something wrong …more than I had anticipated at first. I’m confident it will be alright, but…” He sighed, some concern lacing his usually jovial voice and adding a somewhat more forced tone.

“Ah. I see. He has been acting odd lately. Well, more odd than usual. He didn’t even talk to anyone at Grillby’s the last time he went there- which was over a week ago.”

“Yes, that’s precisely what I mean. He’s usually not one for work or puzzles, but he’s not been home either. And he didn’t want any of my spaghetti today! I’m….worried.” He finished lamely.

“Maybe he’s sick? Or he’s in some sort of secret fight club and he’s exhausted? Maybe he needs me to toughen him up a little, really get his bones all shaken up.” Papyrus could practically see the firey glow in her eyes through the receiver.

“I’m not sure that would help… This time at least. If there is a secret fight club we need to find that immediately because it sounds amazing. Have you… seen any humans around by chance?”

Undyne snorted dismissively.

“If I did, do you really think we’d all still be down here? The barrier would be broken already, there’s no way a human would possibly sneak past me.”

Papyrus nodded enthusiastically. “Yes, of course you’re right. I would never have let a human get past my impossibly tough japes either, we are clearly too good at our jobs for that to be of any possible concern. I have no idea what I was thinking.”

Undyne laughed, “Maybe Sans is just getting lonely, he needs a humans butt to kick!”

“You are probably absolutely correct as usual. Thanks Undyne.” She tossed a bye back at him before hanging up, and Papyrus let out a long breath.

 Talking to Undyne usually pepped him up, typically it brought out his fighting spirit and made all his problems seem like insignificant obstacles in his way that he could easily overcome. This time, well, she’d sounded as confused and concerned as he did, which was more emotion than Undyne usually let people see. It left him more unsettled than before, but helped him set his jaw and his mind all the same. He strode back into their house, and after a moment of tidying, headed up to Sans’ tightly closed door.

“Sans? I just would like you to know, that I’ve elected to remove all sharp cutlery from our home. A completely independent and brilliant idea I came up with all on my own. Knives are simply too easy to cut spaghetti with, really. Who needs them. So, ah. Would you like to join me for some late lunch?”

There was no sound on the other side of the door, but the shadow under the gap shifted slightly.

He clasped his hands nervously in front of him. Sans was unpredictable these days, he hoped he hadn’t made things worse.

The door handle turned, and the door swung open slightly. A small white pupil met his in the darkness.

“You….threw out all the cutlery in our whole house?” He all but whispered.

“Well, I kept the spoons. There is simply no good way to eat soup without a spoon.”

“Heh,” Sans shuffled into the light, and Papyrus pretended not to notice the dark stains on Sans’ cheeks or the way he was shaking.

And everything played on as it had been, nothing resolved, nothing changed. They ate spaghetti together with chopsticks and their fingers, and watched Mettaton’s over dramatic soap opera reruns, and Sans didn’t wake up once the whole night.

Things seemed alright for a while, Sans wasn’t actively avoiding people at least. There’d been no more incidents like the knife one, at most. A precarious normality settled back over everything, and Papyrus nearly stopped noticing. They’d engage in playful banter while out on patrols, and Sans true to form, put very little time into creating any traps. If he took less naps and jumped at every sound, Papyrus didn’t say anything.

One night, while Sans was lounging nearby as Papyrus was setting up his devious word jumble trap, Sans blinked up at him.

“Pap... do you ever get the feeling that you’ve done all this before?” He said, not quite making eye contact. “Like we’re just going through the motions, waiting our time until the real story starts?”

Papyrus didn’t quite know how to respond. “No.”

“Heh, yeah. Must be just me.”

He stared in confusion at his brother, who simply closed his eyes and lounged further backwards onto the tree stump he’d propped himself against, before continuing on with his work. Word jumbles were devious, truly. Simply impossible to defeat, no human would ever get past him.

“Hey Papyrus?” Sans called.

“Yes?”

“Have you ever made a promise you weren’t sure you should keep?”

Papyrus thought about it for a moment. “One time I told Undyne I wouldn’t jump through her windows anymore, I didn’t mean it.”

“No, I mean like…. Have you ever promised something, against every gut instinct you had, and then regretted it?”

“Ah….Maybe?” Papyrus shrugged, he didn’t really like where this conversation was going.

“If you had the chance… to do it over. Maybe things would play out different, but you knew they could also be the same… Would you break your promise?”

“Uh…” Papyrus really didn’t like where this conversation was going.

“Yeah I guess you wouldn’t right? You’re too cool to break promises.”

Papyrus brightened up, “Of course not! You can never break promises, that would be… well you’d be a promise breaker then! Besides, you can’t assume the worst in any situation. You just have to face it head on, like me! The Great Papyrus!”

Sans laughed, and settled deeper against the log.

“Yeah, like you.” The words sounded hollow and unfathomably sad. Papyrus watched him for a moment, sure that something was Very Wrong but unsure as to what exactly, before continuing with his sentry work. When he looked up later, Sans had already left.

Sans didn’t hang out around him while he worked after that.

When a human stumbled into the forest a few weeks later, with bushy hair and dark eyes, he pretended not to notice that Sans eyes had gone dark also. There was dust on their tiny hands, but that was alright. They could fix that.

Papyrus was an optimist after all, you had to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. They’d often surprise you, if you let them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm kinda thinking I might keep this going and turn it into a little series of one shots relating to the possibilities of Sans constantly remembering the various resets? So hey keep an eye out, I'll write little bits here and there between studying and my other hundreds of projects- I'm kinda in too deep with Undertale here though, and it's a lot easier to write about stuff you're constantly thinking about ahha. In other words, there may be an update sooner than you'd think. Thanks again for reading this far!


	3. And how to scream and recreate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans tries to change the cards, and ends up losing more than he bargained for.

He had to be losing his mind. Had to be. Or else his mind was pulling itself apart string by string, unraveling faster and faster and it was his own undoing.

What else would explain the fragmented memories, the lists and lists and endless _lists_ he kept finding around his room and all over the lab. The ones that spilled over pages and swarmed around him, threatening to pull the very floor out from under him.

_Today, the lady told me to promise not to hurt any human that climbed through. She made me promise to let them live, but I heard a wobble in her voice this time. She’s scared._

_Today, Papyrus paused before heading out the door. Freezing, just for a minute before heading out to his sentry point, and I saw it- a flicker of something. Maybe it’s too much, maybe the resets can’t control everything. I think he remembered, just for a moment._

_Today, Papyrus told me he loves me, before he left. Just before he-_

_I didn’t get up at all today. The human still found their way into town. My brother is still dead. Maybe I should never get up again, it’ll all reset anyways. I’m tired of dying._

The worst ones were the quickly scribbled ones, the notes full of hope and happiness, like: _today, the human smiled, they laughed at my joke. They actually tried Papyrus’ puzzles! Maybe things are changing for the better for once._ Those ones always ended abruptly, a dark scratched out word, and once simply just, _please let it reset. One more time. Please._

One, particularly messy, with something dark staining the bottom of the page like water: _Papyrus is alive, the human left my brother alive, and then I let him die._

He couldn’t remember that one, he fervently hoped and wished that he never would.

The parts he could remember were like streams of consciousness, blended up too closely together to separate one from the other. He wished he couldn’t remember anything, not the dust or the tears or the _sounds._ He wished his chest didn’t ache along some invisible fissure, he wished he could look at his brother without grimacing and biting back the need to throw his arms around him and never let go. He wished he could stop dreaming.

Sans knew his friends were concerned, he knew he wasn’t doing a great job of hiding anything anymore, but if his calculations were correct they’d spent dozens of months now simply reliving the same few weeks over and over again, and he couldn’t find it in him to care. They’d forget in the next reset anyways, just like all the others.  Just like he’d been forgetting bits of himself.

He was losing a little more every time now. Every time he woke up at his post, thinking it had all been a twisted nightmare only to watch that thing….that demon… crawl out of the ruins once more and utterly decimate everything in its path. He couldn’t remember how to laugh properly- he made tinny, wheezing sounds now, like suffocating screams. He forgot how to joke around, everything took on the same disconcerting air of melancholy and disappointments and wound up sounding more and more like an omen. He forgot how to speak, half the time. Blankly staring into the quiet dark like it held the answers he was looking for; like it knew why this was happening, over and over.

Sans felt weary, stretched thin and brittle; as if his skull and frame were too fragile to contain himself. Every time he stood in that hallway, staring down the human in a last ditch effort to change this sad, death soaked story, he got a little shakier, a little more unsteady. His magic was too much, there was a reason he never used it unless he had to. Like containing a hurricane in saran wrap, a tidal wave in a glass cup, it was pulling him apart.

Loosing himself from both ends, what a painful way to go.

‘ _Not long now, hey Pap?_ ’

He watched his brother, from a distance, as he danced around in his own traps, caught himself in his own web. Sans supposed he should be pleased that no matter how many timelines, how many resets, Papyrus still believed. The human could take everything from him, his brother, his friends, his own life, but Papyrus’ optimism would never falter.

God, Papyrus deserved so much more than this.

It was killing him, a torturous burn within him, to watch his brother like this. To know his brother was happy, laughing, and so very alive, just for these few short days, just to have it demolished and blown away over and over again. He’d been stupid, really, to hope that the human would just get tired of this unnecessary violence. They wanted something, maybe they’d just give up after they got what they were looking for; he realized now that all they wanted was to hurt everything around them, everyone around them. They were a shell of a human, or maybe all humans were really this cruel. Maybe they didn’t want to get to the surface anyways.

He wondered idly, if it shouldn’t be him instead of his brother.

Sans leaned farther into his hands, slumping into his post. What if he could throw a wrench into things, just once-just to throw them off a little? To know that in one timeline, he’d saved his brother, only for a minute.

It wouldn’t stop the human, he knew. They’d just reset again and again until they got it right, never ceasing their systematic destruction of everything good the monsters had left. Maybe, though, it could slow them down- one timeline where Papyrus would live. Just one.

A feeling like electricity sparked through his veins, shooting off his fingertips and jet streaming into his soul. Not hope, he was too afraid to hope- coward that he was- but something a shade darker, like a refraction. _Maybe, just this once…_ A noise ripped out of him at the thought, something hysterical and watery and euphoric, a laughter or maybe a sob. _Not my big brother you bastard, not this time. If nothing else, I won’t let you take him this time._

The smile that pulled at the edges of his cheeks felt bitter, somehow. Slightly off kilter and wild. He found himself laughing, a pained noise, as he watched his brother skip back into town, chattering to himself gleefully. Sans pulled at his magic, careful of the familiar strain and the widening cracks splintering minutely on his skull,  watching blue flame spin across his fingers- he could do this once more.  He could be strong enough.

 

* * *

 

 

Papyrus was confident that the human would listen to him; they’d see his awesome power and cool demeanor and they’d reflect on their choices leading up to the battle, realizing things didn’t have to play out this way. They’d see that violence didn’t have to be the answer.

Maybe they’d even be friends?

He’d tried to explain this all to Sans, that everything would work out just fine because he believed the human could be better than this. He wasn’t sure who he was reassuring, though. Sans had seemed… empty. It was deeply unsettling. He didn’t even take the perfect opportunities Papyrus had left him to use one of his abhorrent puns. Papyrus would never admit it out loud, but he missed the puns.

Everything Sans did lately was listless and lifeless and, well, Papyrus tried not to think too much about what it could mean. Sans was probably just being his usual lazy self, right? So what if he didn’t go out to eat anymore, if he disappeared for days on end. So what if there was a splinter haired crack, barely visible, just snaking its way downwards by his brother’s brow.

His fragile, easy going, smiley baby brother.

Papyrus resolved to get to the bottom of this, to push his brother to talk to him or anyone. He’d give Sans a big hug, wrap him up in a blanket with a big bottle of ketchup, and they’d talk about everything. Just after he dealt with the human. Who knows? Maybe the human could join them after they’d all become BFF’s and made nice little friendship bracelets.

He just needed Sans to be okay.

It had been strange, seeing the human traipse out of the ruins with a dead-set stance. They hadn’t moved a single facial muscle, lurching about awkwardly without really looking at anything at all. And all that white dust… The human hadn’t even acknowledged his puzzles, all the hours of planning and delightful scheming gone to waste. Undyne would appreciate the last trap, he knew, so it was okay. But really it was just sort of rude. He was going to set the human on a better path here, one with a love for puzzles. He was going to fix this, because he refused to imagine anything else. It would all be just dandy, Sans would see. 

““What do you think the human will do? Once they meet Asgore….?” He asked his brother, earlier that day. Just as Snowdin was waking to bustle themselves out of the area, forewarning of a strange human with a plastic knife had met with extreme caution and paranoia. Nobody wanted to be caught unawares, it was understandable. He, Papyrus, future member of the Royal Guard however, was too brave and mighty to be cowed into hiding! And his brother, well, he had his shortcuts after all; he'd find a way to somehow be out of danger without really trying.

Sans was quiet for a moment, which in a word, was mostly what Sans was these days. In another life, maybe Sans would have been reassuring, cracked a joke or a teasing pun. Maybe they’d have shared an inspiring moment and been filled with bountiful determination. In this life though, Sans grimaced and let his head fall into his hands in what looked like exhaustion. In this one, Sans was sad and small and so very tired. Papyrus worried.

The Sans that ghosted through their home and locked himself in his room these days was…. Not his Sans.

“To be honest, Pap?” Sans near whispered, his voice gravelly with disuse. “I’m hoping they don’t make it that far.”

It didn’t sit right with him, nothing about this sat right with him. Papyrus got the ever present notion that he was missing something, like his brother was hiding things from him, again. There were a great many things Papyrus didn’t know, but mainly it was because he didn’t concern himself to know them. He trusted his friends, and his brother, to tell him if it was important. That didn’t necessarily mean Sans always told him everything, however. But he could hope that at least Sans wasn’t going to get himself into trouble. Any other time and Papyrus would have almost found the sentiment hilarious- Sans, his lazybones little brother, actively looking for more work to take on. Now, the idea seemed more tragic than anything.

The human sauntered into Snowdin, and Papyrus didn’t have time to worry about Sans, anymore.

The scene was setting itself up perfectly.  Icy fog brushed over the snowy banks, wrapping itself around the two of them. “Halt, human!” He called towards the smaller shape. It paid no heed, stomping steadily towards him almost casually. Spoil sport indeed!

“I, the Great Papyrus, have some things to say! First, you’re a freaking wierdo!” Witty insults were really his niche, he was definitely on a roll here. “Not only do you not like puzzles, but the way you shamble about from place to place…. The way your hands are always covered in a dusty powder. It feels like your life is going down a dangerous path.” He tried to ignore the way the humans shoulders heaved, the way their breath staggered in an out of them violently.

 “However! I, Papyrus, see great potential within you!”

He saw… something, that is. Behind the vacant, cold stare, and the messy, matted hair. Almost like a memory of some kind, like a dream. One with laughter and resilience and warmth, he knew it could happen, he knew it. He just had to convince the human to listen.

“Everyone can be a great person if they try! And me, I hardly have to try at all!” He laughed proudly. The human suddenly lurched forward a few paces. _Wowie, how rude!_  “This is exactly what I am talking about!” Really, something needed to be done and soon. Papyrus frowned, the humans dead set expression hadn’t shifted in the slightest. He cleared his throat, _try again._

“Human! I think you are in need of guidance! Someone has to keep you on the straight and narrow!” Papyrus called out with more confidence than he felt. “But worry not! I, Papyrus…. Will gladly be your friend and tutor! I will turn your life right around!” He sincerely hoped the human would be awed by his brave extension of the olive branch, or at least that he’d shifted something within them in the right direction. You had to believe the best in everyone, and he believed more strongly in this human than anyone. He took a deep breath, stealing his nerves; what happened now would be in this tiny humans hands. Their white coated, steady, tightly clenched hands. It was a sign of friendship, somehow, he was sure. They stumbled forward a few meandering steps, slowly, as if methodically planning every step.

“I see you are approaching. Are you offering a hug of acceptance?” The relief that swept through him was like sunlight on his bare bones. “Wowie! My lessons are already working! I, Papyrus, welcome you with open arms!” He grinned openly at the human, watching as their eyes glinted and a small smile pulled at the corner of their lips. A small smile that stretched into a wide grimace, one with teeth like fangs all clumped closely together. Man, humans were ugly. 

Something shifted out of the corner of his vision, the humans steps grew quicker, a strange light shadowing their expression, making their cheeks sharper and their smile animalistic and their eyes…. Demonic. Papyrus’ grin faltered, suddenly aware that he might not have actually been right. For once. His arms shook from their outstretched position, the human was close now, their hand lifting up their weapon in what appeared to be pleasure, the human was too close he wouldn’t have time to-

A flash of blue separated him from the human, the fog dissipated into nothing.

“Not this time, kid. Not ever again.” A voice, that voice he…. It was as familiar as his own, like home and spaghetti and dreams of race cars.

_‘S-sans….?’_

A skeletal hand shot up, faster than his eye could follow, and suddenly the human was flying upwards, surrounded in a flickering blue halo.

“Did you think I’d really stand by forever? Come on, even I’m not that pathetic.” The human slammed into the snow covered ground at the drop of Sans’ hand, barely making a single noise beyond a huff of breath.  

“You can keep looping back around forever, buddy.” Sans voice dropped to a chilling monotone, a tinny quality infusing his typically laid back tone. If Papyrus had any hairs he was sure they’d be raising in gooseflesh. “I’ll be waiting for you, right here.”

Papyrus was at a complete loss for words, he watched in horror as Sans slammed the human upwards and down into a heap once again, unable to think passed the blaring alert of ‘wrong wrong wrong’ pinging back and forth across his mind. The human wasn’t moving, what had Sans done?

“Just give up,” Sans lifted an arm again, as a large skull appeared in front of them. “Reset.”

The light that erupted from the skull was nearly blinding, Papyrus yelped in shock as the shock waves of energy crashed through him. The power from the single attack… Papyrus saw the splinter on his brothers skull widening.

“Sans!” He yelped, hands flying to his mouth in a flurry of concern. His brother snapped towards him, eerie blue light trailing almost lazily from his left eye. Papyrus gasped at the look of empty hate in his brother’s face, the pure unadulterated contempt and twisted glee. He stumbled back a step as Sans lifted an arm, flinching instinctively.

The trance that had overtaken Sans cracked away immediately, but Papyrus had gone cold at the sight. He tripped in his haste to stumble backwards, unceremoniously falling over, and scuttling back a few extra inches for good measure.

“Pap… I…”

Papyrus’ mind pin wheeled, his brother had just destroyed the human, violently. And he’d liked it. This wasn’t his brother, not his Sans. Not his goofy lazybones of a little brother, not the same skeleton who made terrible jokes just to ease a smile out of him. His Sans would never hurt anyone unless he had to, and he’d certainly never enjoy it; Sans wanted things to be better, he wanted people to be happy. He made friends and played dumb pranks and loved fiercely, this couldn’t be right. He must be dreaming.

“How could you- why did you….” Sans shuffled forward, reaching out a hand towards him. “Sans…what’s wrong with you?” His voice was barely above a whisper, and he watched as his brothers expression twisted in shame and something deeply pained.

“I….” Sans closed his eyes, his typical grin morphing into a grimace. “I didn’t….Okay.” He let out a huff of breath, suddenly appearing much wearier and fragile than he’d ever looked. Sans turned his back to him, shoulders tight.

“I’m… I’m sorry.” His voice was raspy, strained, and much older than it should have been. He slouched, then. Hands returning to his pockets as if the weight of all of Underground had crashed down on him, the splinter on his skull widened ever so slightly farther.

"Sans...."

Papyrus could only look on in fear. He hadn’t meant it. Really, he hadn’t. It’s not that he was afraid of his brother attacking him. Only the cold malicious intent in his eye. Only the vicious unforgiving way he’d attacked. Only the way he seemed miles and miles away while standing directly in front of him and Papyrus didn’t know what to do anymore. He wasn’t afraid of Sans. Just _for_ him. But he couldn’t find the words suddenly; all of his inspiring speeches or words of wisdom had left the minute he’d seen the flickering blue and yellow light in Sans’ eye. The minute he’d seen the cracks stretching and snaking downwards. The minute he realized, _Sans had done this before._

And suddenly, there was laughter. An unnatural, guttural sound, like it was being punched from the gut upwards. The pile of snow where the humans head just barely was visible began to lurch upright, creaking as it went. It hefted itself up as though pulled by a string, arms bent at awkward lurching angles, bones creaking and fastening together backwards and inverted. “Did you think it would be that easy…?” It laughed and its voice was like glass edges and chalkboards and static all tangled up as one. Sans shoulders hefted upwards once again, a firm wall of defense; whole and unbroken and eternally unrelenting. Papyrus felt ice cold, suddenly acutely aware of how Not Human the small being really was, and how close he’d been to facing that alone. Gratitude hit him faintly, and he stared at his brother’s steel-set frame.

“Run Papyrus. Get Undyne.” Sans said, voice like cooling lava. Calculating, calm, and burning beneath his words.

Papyrus balked, “Run? You have to be joking, Sans, I could nev-”

Sans flicked a glowing eye over his shoulder, the darkness of his socket bubbling over with fat, un-shed tears. He was shaking, Papyrus noted absently. “Papyrus, please, just… get out of here. I can’t ….Not again.”

His voice cracked, warbling with bubbling emotions, and Papyrus felt utterly shaved clean, like splintered wood and ice. He wanted to tell Sans he loved him, that he’d forgive him, that he already had forgiven him. He wanted to say that Sans was brave and smart and so much stronger than he’d ever thought. He wanted to tell him that he was grateful to have him as a big brother, that he needed to come home safe and whole. That he was proud of him, that he was sorry for doubting, for not being wise and smart the way Sans ineffably, and unfailingly was. But the ground shifted and gravity tilted it back and there was no room left to speak.

Papyrus ran, as fast as he could, and didn’t look back.

 

* * *

 

 

Sans wasn’t afraid to die anymore. It hurt every time, the cold steel of the blade puncturing somewhere deeper than his bones, somewhere softer than his soul. It burned and ached and shredded him apart gracelessly and achingly. This time, though….

The look Papyrus gave him as he flinched away, scared confusion and open distrust playing havoc across his brows. The way he’d spoken, terrified and completely hurt and disappointed. There’d been one last part he’d been holding onto through all these resets and timeskips, one last thread of sanity to pull him back from the brink. A landline to home and happiness and reassurance that one day things had to be okay, and it had just been completely severed before his eyes.

All his life, all he’d wanted was to keep Papyrus happy. And in one swoop he’d ruined it all.

Who cares if time reset and they all forgot, who cares if he’d be living in a different reality, one without that moment of open fear. Fear of _him_. Sans would remember. He’d never be able to forget what this felt like- dying in the deepest reaches of himself, falling overboard without a way up, careening into an abyss with rocks tied to his ankles- not if he tried.

Sans smiled, slow and sickly.

“This won’t be the last time,” the human called. “There will never be a last time. I control the resets, the timelines. All of it. All of _you_.”

Electric blue flicked upwards, a wall of bone jutted immediately from the ground, punching through the snowy surface. Time skittered backwards.

“You can’t win. This will never end. You don’t even remember this dance, but we’ve been here many times before.”

Bright beams of light peppered the ground, sizzling apart the snow and charring the ground underneath. Another loop.

“Why do you insist on _trying_.”

Slam. The humans head hit the rocky wall beside them. Slam. They nearly disappeared into the ground in a crater that shook nearby buildings. The time streams switched with the casualty of a blink.

The human was suddenly in front of him grabbing a fistful of his jacket and lifting him off of his feet. Their expression folded and mutilated in hatred. Sans nearly snickered, allowing himself to dangle with his hands firmly planted in his pockets.

“Give. Up.” They snarled.

Sans felt his skull fissure trickle downwards, cracking through his eye socket and spreading outwards like a bolt of electricity, and he grinned. Soon, he knew, he’d forget which stream of reality they were living in, which actions had led him here, even why he was fighting. He'd forget everything and lose himself completely.The constant sidestepping through time was causing him to wear down rapidly; the strain on his physical form was unbearable, it was cracking apart around him. He could feel it now, the hiss of his magic, his soul, pushing outwards through the gaps in his skull. He couldn’t keep this up forever.

He laughed, then. _I saved him, this time I saved him, today Papyrus lived._

“I already have.”

_But I lost him anyways._

He hoped next time, if there was anything left in the universe to listen to him, if there would still be a next time, that he wouldn't remember a thing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's an alternate ending for this that I have half written out- one that ends on a happy note actually! I couldn't find a way to tie it in nicely here without creating a whole new set of chapters that felt out of place, but if in true Undertale fashion, you'd like to see the better ending, leave me a lil comment or something and I'll try to finish it up. Otherwise, I apologize for the unnecessarily cruel ending. If it helps, Sans probably just doesn't remember any other possible timeline where things were okay anymore- it doesn't mean the happy ones don't exist somewhere though!
> 
> EDIT: I'm working on a little something, don't you guys worry! ;) Stay tuned!


	4. And dance in circles 'round the start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just hold on a little longer, sometimes things find their way back.

Over and over and over again, for all eternity. He’d keep this human right at this interlude, there was no other possibility, no other reality wherein he’d chose anything else. The human was trapped. Not strong enough to defeat him yet, too early in their reset to have gained the power to attack him in any real way, and not nearly determined enough to take on Undyne immediately after. Sans had them cornered, an impasse.

They could kill him sure, in some timelines he was sure he’d already died. He could feel it like a touch through layers of cotton- the way his soul cracked apart and he splintered into dust all over again. Strange how familiar dying had become. Almost like falling asleep.

They’d never get to the end this way, not now that he’d shaken up the paths, and the thought made him feel lighter than he had in a long while.

His soul flared deep blue, the human reset. He laughed, a low throaty sound that shook his shoulders and pulled at his tear stained cheeks. The human faltered. He side stepped their blows, firing canon after canon. The human flickered back into being, growling angrily. Sans watched his brother fading out of sight towards Undyne’s patrol, to Asgore, to safety. The human roared, white powdery hands stained red. Sans watched his brother, the human swiped at him, Sans watched his brother, the human stabbed forward, Sans watched his brother, the human panted wildly, Sans watched his brother….

The human stopped.

“Why?” They stood paces away, head down and shrouded in shadow with wildly heaving shoulders and gasping breaths. “Why would you tear yourself apart like this?”

Sans waited, not wary but hand half raised in anticipation regardless. Whatever they were planning, he wouldn’t let them leave here.

“Why would you destroy yourself hundreds of times over? I’ve seen it, every outcome from this point on. You don’t die, you eviscerate yourself from the inside out.” The human paused, catching its breath. “It’s killing you but you won’t leave. Why?”

He was unsure how to respond, but frowned regardless. ‘ _Because I love my brother, because I can’t stand to watch all of them die, because I can change this…. Because I’m not you.’_

The human let out a wet, hitching breath, rubbing a sleeve across their eyes. “Why is your life less important than theirs?” Sans nearly laughed out loud at the question. “Why do you have to keep remembering? It would be so much easier if you’d just…forget.”

Sans shrugged. “I guess I’m stubborn like that.” _If only I could forget._ He flared his fingers outwards, palm pressed downwards. The human stumbled, collapsing to their knees in front of him.

He casually flicked his eye upwards, the glowing trail of light streaming like a beacon in the fogged air.  A wall of bone poised itself around the humans trembling frame. “I’ll be here for as long as you keep coming back, buddy.”  

The human coughed, or maybe it was a laugh- Sans was pretty sure they’d suffered a few broken ribs earlier, their time was limited in this reality. He waited, almost nonchalantly for the human to once again fling themselves at him in battle, maybe get a couple of good hits in, maybe finish him off before his own powers overwhelmed him once more. The humans arms wobbled in an attempt to keep themselves upright, but they made no move to stand.  Sans frowned, the sheen of sweat on his skull dripping down his neck.

He should just take the opportunity, finish them off before they rebuilt their strength, but he didn’t understand why they were letting him. Why they weren’t making any attempt to protect themselves or growling or snarling or snapping themselves together grotesquely.

“Give up?” He called, an exhausted smirk pulling at his cheek. This wasn’t the end, there’d never be an end and he knew it, hoping was dangerous, wishing was even worse.

“S-sans?” They turned their face up, finally, to meet his unsure gaze. The voice was different somehow, warbled and smaller, like bandaids on kneecaps and a small hand clutching his happily. He blinked wide, and staggered back a step. Their expression…. Hopeful and scared, confused and worried, it pulled at the furled edges of his mind, flattening the crunched up corners of his sanity just for a minute.

He recognized that look, that voice. It was off putting to say the least, hearing something genuinely human and kind shakily exhaling from that monsters lips. Like abruptly waking up from a nightmare and forgetting where you are.

“Wh-“ Sans couldn’t speak, a strange weight coating his bones, settling himself, grounding him.

“Sans….sorry Sans.” They smiled, not the stretching row of fangs he’d come to expect, but a tiny, kind upward curl of lips. “Didn’t want to. Gunna make it better, promise.” The human was wheezing, un-shed tears glistening in their large brown eyes, and they staggered upwards despite Sans’ magic.

He instinctively flinched, pushing his palm firmly towards the ground. The humans small legs shook but they stayed upright. Small, dust coated hands unclenched and tossed their weapon aside.

“That was a mistake human,” he said, ignoring the familiarity that had lodged itself in his throat. He’d stop them, he’d destroy them at any cost. Didn’t matter if they were unarmed, Papyrus hadn’t been armed. Didn’t matter if they smiled, or apologized, or cried, or looked at him like he was their only hope. They’d destroyed everything so many times over, they didn’t know him, they didn’t know how it felt to lose everything over and over again. They didn’t know what it felt like to have nothing left to give but keep fighting anyways. He’d make them understand.

The blue had filled his vision once more, his mouth once again twisting into a wide grin. “If you’re really sorry, you won’t come back.” And he pulled at everything he had, paying no mind to the way his skull fissured apart, or the way his magic cascaded forward uncontrolled and unceasing.

The human spread their arms out as the canons surrounded them and his attacks grew unhinged and hectic, scattering all around them. Then they locked eyes with him, a sad smile on their lips. “It’s okay, Sans. You’re gunna be okay.” And his eyes widened, the blue tinge leaving just in time for everything to fade out and disassemble with the force of it all.

When he woke up, it was dark.

He felt the familiar dredge of horror and repulsion work its way into his gut, mentally preparing to face his demons all over again. Except this time…. This time he’d have to watch Papyrus turn his back and run again. Sans shuddered, a panic scratching at his mind. He didn’t want to get up, there was nothing more he’d like to do than break down and give up and never leave his room again. But he couldn’t afford not to care, remember Sans? You can’t be pathetic anymore, not when Papyrus is on the line again.

He slouched on his blue hoodie over his shoulders, ignoring the screaming in his head that desperately pleaded for him to run away. He could face this nightmare one more time, _just one more day,_ his daily mantra felt more and more like a statement of insanity. Expecting different outcomes from the same actions and whatnot. He took a deep breath to settle his nerves, forcing a half smile across his features. _For Papyrus…_

Sans went through the motions on near autopilot, if his laidback vibe was overcome by a tense nervousness, or his lazy smile appeared more like a pained grimace, Papyrus didn’t seem to notice. The clock ticked down too quickly and too slowly all at once, Sans felt shakier and more thinly stretched than he ever had, and nearly caught his legs giving out as he shuffled over to his sentry post. He gulped anxiously, realizing that if he was nearly out of juice already, the remainder of this reset might pass a lot faster than he anticipated. Maybe he could convince Pap to meet with Undyne earlier, to skip out on meeting the human altogether. He feared what changing the timelines so drastically would do to him, considering the toll his last action appeared to be taking.

_Bad times ahead for us both, kid._

He wasn’t looking forward to the total loss of control over his magic that was sure to follow a complete break down- he wondered vaguely if he’d experienced something like that already in a different stream. Probably. Maybe it was best not to think too much on it. Dust to dust and all.

The minutes ticked down, Sans resolved to let it lie, the human would be too weak to face Papyrus and Undyne after fighting him even if he wasn’t in his top form. He just had to trust that they’d be fast enough, or that the human would be sadistic enough to reset despite winning. They’d done it already a thousand times before, what was once more.

He shuffled over to Papyrus’ puzzles, watching as per usual as his brother frantically paced around his traps gloating about his cleverness. Sans nearly smiled, but decided against it. There was an ache in his temple, just above his eye socket, and smiling took too much out of him. His default grimace seemed more apt for the occasion anyways.

“Sans?” Papyrus trailed over to where he was slouched, and Sans realized his eye was once again tinted blue. He must have fallen asleep. Dreams of happier times seemed so futile lately, even his subconscious was settling into a pessimistic outlook; reliving some of his more gruesome ends wasn’t the best way to replenish energy either. Somehow he felt weaker than before, and more unsettled.

“Ah, sorry. Gotta catch my z’s somehow you know, a skeleton needs their beauty sleep after all.” He said, and his voice sounded weak and forced even to his own ears.

Papyrus frowned. “You were calling my name. You sounded scared….”

Sans felt more sweat bead along his forehead. “Weird dream, you know how it goes.” Typically he’d come up with a joke here, to ease the mood. Something punny just to get under Papyrus’ skin and distract him from the harsher reality. It was tickling the tip of his teeth even, something about being ‘bone tired’ or something about ‘nothing getting under his skin’ but it felt wrong somehow. Like little shriveled half thoughts that faded and flickered away in the light. He sighed instead.

Papyrus hesitated, looking unsure and lost in a way that sent shivers of an echoed memory down Sans’ spine.

“Listen, I’ll be fine, Pap. Just slept weirdly, you can nag at me for boondoggling if you want,” He shrugged in what he hoped was a nonchalant manner. Papyrus didn’t seem convinced, but Sans stood up anyways.

“I’m gunna head over to my post here, I’ll catch you later.” He waved over his shoulder, side stepping through a ‘shortcut’ just to put some extra distance between them.

The clock timer struck zero, and Sans braced for the worst. Maybe he could take them out here and now, just finish the job quick and dirty. Maybe next reset he’d have more energy. Maybe he could reassure his brother and throw a few jokes in and treat everything like normal. He was just…so tired.

A small frame pushed itself out of the ruins, knocked knees and a mop of hair and everything of Sans own worst imaginings. He snapped his hand out of his pocket, blue light weakly flaring outwards. It hurt, in ways that it shouldn’t. Pulling at his forehead and his very self and he knew then, that something had gone wrong last reset. Something he couldn’t remember.

He pushed through the discomfort, preparing to push himself farther, just as the human stepped into a scattered ray of light. Sans froze, and blinked.

The human was…. Looking around. Curiosity and marvel playing jump rope across wide unassuming features. Their tiny hands weren’t clenched in barely contained demonic fury, but rather spread out and mysteriously lacking any pigment of white chalky dust. He watched in confusion and a smidgeon of growing hope, as they giggled and skipped around throughout the trees.

The human didn’t care about the trees or the sounds, the human was mindless and trudged forwards unceasingly with no expression. Not until it was twisted and morphed into fury and malice or soulless laughter. And yet…

Sans followed them, taking care not to announce his presence too early. If they got to Papyrus before he did, he would be ready, curiosity be damned. The small human was humming to themselves…. Humming? A strange off key tune, something happy and sweet and achingly familiar. Everything lately was distantly familiar to some degree, though, so it didn’t much surprise him anymore. He wondered if this was some kind of game, but he’d played it enough times to realize that the human wasn’t typically one for subtlety.

He snapped a twig, half on accident. The human whipped around, wide smile shrinking. He’d expected them to continue onwards unceasingly unperturbed, but instead. They waited.

And then with a tiny voice, like ringing bells and butterscotch pie, they whispered, “Sans? That you?”

He stopped.

“Sans? Sorry. Wasn’t me, not the good me. But I’m back now,” They looked ashamed, or maybe afraid. They grabbed the bottom of their sweater with hands too small for their sleeves, pulling at the fabric, stretching the purple of their sweater into waves.

“Lost for a long time. Couldn’t stop it. But… they heard you. Sans. They saw you. And it felt bad.” They looked frustrated, limited by their shortened vocabulary- like a real kid for once. “Said you…. Said you were strong. Stayed here for a long time an’…. You didn’t give up. Said it hurt you real bad.” The human sniffled, a small sound.

“Didn’t want to hurt anyone…” They rubbed a sleeved arm across their eyes, cheeks and nose reddening.

Sans took a half step forward, strangely compelled to help, before catching himself. This human, this thing…. it had killed everyone so many times. Killed him. He wouldn’t be swayed by some sad words and big brown eyes. He wouldn’t.

“It hurt you Sans, hurt everyone. Didn’t want to. Scared.” It was full on crying now, shoulders heaving and big blubbering tears decorating the ground below them. Sans stepped further out into the light.

“I thought I said if you were really sorry, that you wouldn’t come back.” He was vaguely pleased at the levelness of his voice, despite the wild confusion he felt building within him. Couldn’t show how much these fragmented statements were hitting him, couldn’t show weakness.

“Had to. Had to make it better. Sorry.” They hitched on a breath, catching it and holding themselves together. “You looked sad. And angry. Want to make it better.”  They looked up at him then, his fear stricken and tired self-standing illuminated in a single patch of light amidst the darkened forest. He locked eyes with them, their red rimmed and watery and shame faced expression rocking him to the core.

“You…. You really mean it don’t you,” he whispered.

They nodded once, lower lip quivering.

“You told me a… secret. While ago. In case I forgot again.” They shakily exhaled. “Said, ‘one more day, just… hafta hold on, buddo. Stay determined.’  You said if it happened, if I reset. I had to make it right. I… I tried. I tried really hard, I wouldn’t let them win…I just want to go home.” Big drops of tears snaked down from their pleading, hopelessly pleading expression, and Sans felt his own expression mirror theirs. All the resets, when they’d already won. All the times he was sure they’d been gloating, sadistically pleased by how much pain they could inflict…

“Please tell me this isn’t some kind of sick joke…. I can’t- I-I won’t…. ” He wasn’t sure he could handle having this ripped away again, feeling so close to relief, so close to freedom from his own personal hell.

“Please….” He didn’t know what he was asking for but the human seemed to understand… No, not the human. A memory of a word floated to the surface. _Frisk._

 

_He was coming home from a long day of 'working' out by the sentry post, door creaking closed behind him, he shuffled into his darkened house. A single light illuminated a slumped figure on the couch, Frisk. They must have stayed up waiting for him and fallen asleep half sitting up. He smiled fondly, gently shaking the kids shoulder. "Up and 'at em kiddo, the armrest is no place for a squishy kid like you to sleep." Frisk blinked two bleary eyes up at him, then yawned loudly, stretching tiny fists high up into the air._

_"Wanted to watch TV with you..." they mumbled, rubbing a fist across one sleepy eye. The cockles of Sans heart warmed at the sight, and he chuckled lightly._

_"We got plenty of time to watch TV tomorrow, how's about you get to bed now." Frisk frowned, eyebrows drawn together in contemplation. They made no effort to move, suddenly looking everywhere else but him and biting their lower lip._ Ah, _Sans thought._ One of those nights. 

_"Or....," he started in a singsong voice. "We could make ourselves a bit of a late night snack here. I've been craving some of my world famous pie all day." He winked, and Frisk giggled. Their expression lifted immediately, and Sans grinned._

_"Papyrus said. He said your pies are gross."_

_"Ahh, that's just cause I didn't put any spaghetti in 'em."_

_Frisk stuck their tongue out at that, imagining a pie filled with pasta sauce and noodles. Sans laughed, and held his hand out._

_"Come on kid, I'll show you where I keep all the best ingredients."_

_Frisks hand was tiny and warm in his larger skeletal one, and they smiled up at him as if he were the stars themselves. He felt warmth, like pride and affection all tangled up with comfort and serenity._ If nowhere else, _Sans thought,_ this is where I belong.

 

“Tell me it’s you.” His voice finally cracked, along with the rest of his resolve, and suddenly he was holding an armful of sobbing human. Everything clicked together, the pieces falling in place just as his own tears fell on their messy brown hair. They both shook, half with laughter half with built up sorrows. Memories nearly overwhelmed him; ice skating with Papyrus and Frisk, drinking tea with Undyne and Frisk, Frisk proudly holding up a tutu they'd found in the muck, Frisk running to them crying with cuts and scrapes but never giving up for even a second. He remembered the peace, the warmth of it all, the feeling of sunlight in his bones. _Please, let this one be real, just this one. I'm so tired..._

“It’s me, I’m me.” Frisk choked, burrowing their face into the warmth of his jacket. Sans just pulled them closer, falling to his knees to bundle the kid up closer in his arms.  

 _Finally,_ he thought. _Finally._

When Papyrus came stumbling across the two of them later, planning on getting down to the source of Sans' sad frowns and vacant stares, so what if he maybe forgot to capture the small human sitting cheerfully on Sans’ laughing shoulders. So what if maybe he forgot to activate his puzzles, or report anything at all to Undyne or even make vaguely intimidating statements. The Royal Guard could wait a while, he decided, watching the wide grin pull at his brother’s cheek and the bright lights dancing across his eyes. 

He hadn’t seen his brother happy in a long, long time. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The original happy ending I had planned out basically consisted of 'Sans wakes up, doesn't remember anything, and meets a human with a smile.' but I figured I had to make him sad a little longer for the ending to be that much sweeter. Maybe that just means I'm the sadistic one here, gosh.   
> Anyways, this marks the actual end for my tragic story. I hope you enjoyed reading! Thanks for the comments and support, for my first actual completed multi chapter story, the encouragements were super awesome. I'm gunna work on my dragon age fic next, but I just found out about the awesome 'underfell' AU and I'm extremely tempted to whip something up for that horribly sad version. (Meaning I'm most definitely going to write it, whether I publish it idk)   
> Thanks again for sticking with me here, I hope the happier end doesn't disappoint!


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